Seven Minutes In Dreamland

I actually fell asleep during an art critique today. This was definitely not a good day to be awake. Luckily the teacher didn't say anything, though she must have seen me. I was probably asleep for no more than seven minutes, but somehow that was enough to keep my head from hitting the desk for the rest of the day. I suppose it's just as well, since I didn't actually have many nice things to say about most of the work that was up. I'm such an asshole that way. I think I even dreamed a little while I slept.

Holy Mother of God, please let this semester end faster. I would like to put myself in deeper shit next semester by taking harder classes as soon as possible, please. kthxbi

On the PLUS side, I finished a couple paintings. Go I.

Bathroom Drama

My god, some woman actually yelled at me today in the bathrooms at school. And why? Apparently the length of paper towel that went nearly all the way down to the floor was hers. Why, she had gotten it all nice and ready before she even washed her hands, and nasty ole me had to be such an asshole and swipe it first, not even giving her a chance to finish washing. It's kinda funny, really, because I looked at the length of it for about a nanosecond before deciding I was too lazy to rip it in the middle. I was already walking out the door when she starts shouting, like, "HEY! You didn't think maybe that was MINE?!" Well no, clearly I did not, otherwise I would have ripped it in half, or waited while you finished washing your hands and took it so I could dispense some for myself. I mean, I know I get angry about dumb shit a lot, but I usually try a little harder to keep it to myself, lest I come off as a bad-tempered, maggot-sucking cunt.

And then I went to class. And it sucked, verily. Wasted time all day long, again and again every semester.

Am I An Example Of A Calculated Birth?

I just stocked up on a bunch of food from the store. Canned, frozen, healthy. Whatever. It sucks to fork over all that money at once, but when I consider how take-out adds up, it makes me feel somewhat better, even though the take-out around here tastes really good because most of it's made fresh.

It's nice to shop alone for some reason, though I can't say why.

Got a neeeew lens! It's a cheapie 50mm, but I've already taken a bunch of shots (of Nats dyeing her hair) and some of them look pretty alright. Definitely better than the zoom lens that came with the camera. Smaller, too. I'm waiting for a tripod so I can take ever more photos of myself and let the world know how awesome I think I am.

I was using the belt sander in class last week without my dust mask (forgot to bring it) and ever since I've been blowing bits of blood into the tissue and feeling gritty all up in my nasal passages. Also, wood is hot when you've been sanding it like that for a minute. It all hurts. Somehow I scraped my arm without noticing.

It's fall, and things are starting to happen again. Everything slows down during the summer while everyone wonders what to do and waits for school and winter again.

Overlooked Sarcasm

I think it's kinda funny and pretty awesome that the three of us (me, Allison, Kate) are all friends on blogger like we were on LJ. I'm pretty sure almost no one else reads what I write now, just like then.

To bring up work again, the other day I was trying to help this family of mother, father, daughter. The father asked me if we had "rebbing." I thought he just had an extremely thick accent, and he had to repeat himself a few times. I floundered for about a minute before I realized he was saying "red bean." Then I also realized he had barely any accent when he said "What's so hard to understand about that??" as if he were asking me and his family, in order to include all present in acknowledging my shocking stupidity. I actually didn't try to hide my anger when I sarcastically replied, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't get it." Allow me to lay it out:
1. The cafe/ice cream parlor I work at is pretty much the whitest place in the neighborhood. We do not carry red bean ice cream.
2. We do not carry so many ice creams that it would be impossible to find what you're looking for. At least look before you ask.
3. If I can't understand you, please help me out by speaking up or enunciating properly.

As far as school goes, my education seems to be going in a positive direction, at least as far as I'm concerned. I wish I could hurry up and get to the more advanced classes already, but I don't want to miss anything. I don't mind dicking around too much in the meantime.

"But We Unleashed A Lion"

Suuuuuu, first day of fall semester.

I decided to be lazy and only take a couple classes. I've found that I don't hate myself and other people so much as long as I take it easy. God knows last semester's English class was a fucking nightmare. It was definitely a good idea not to enroll in any summer classes; it gave me a chance to relax, actually see my friends, and work, despite my mother's misgivings.

Honestly, I need to start doing things by my own rules. It can be difficult; going up against my mom has often proven disastrous in the past. But. But but but, I know I'm not really going to be happy unless I can figure most of this shit out on my own.

I just made the most '90s-ish playlist ever. I don't know whether or not it is safe to play at work. Certainly some people will create an uproar; coworkers, customers, you betcha, we got fucking music snobs. It's bad enough to make some shifts really suck, depending on who I have to work with and who decides to come in and comment on the music. Well fuck yous; I am of that decade and the music I remember is cheesy and fucking bitchin!

Life Is Funny And Sad

Whoo, got some of my money back from da guv'm'nt. That was awfully decent of them, wasn't it?

Found out today one of the regulars at my work is named Adam. This may surprise some people, but I haven't actually known too many Adams in my lifetime. I've known of them, but never really spoken to any. This time it was pretty neat, since I've talked to him when he comes in and he's cool. But, thank god, neither of us tried to make a real joke about Adam and Eve. Hur hur hur. There have only been a few people who tried to make a joke like that at me, like, hey, where's Adam? hey, why'd you eat the apple? Etc.

The end of school be fast approaching, arrrgh. The one class I want to take in the summer is completely full, so I'll have to crash and squeeze my way in by assassinating a couple of other students (I just watched Kill Bill for the first time last night, so bear with me). One of my friends and coworkers was telling me how she couldn't get into any of the five classes she wanted for next fall, because they're all full. That's ridiculous, that people pay good money for college and they're not even gauranteed a spot in the classes they need or want. How's a woman supposed to get an education, huh?

If anyone's wondering, I finished that essay. I stopped stressing about a week before it was due. ya wut.

Oh, and Feist is sooooo good! (teen girl squad voice)

Essay Burn Out, ese

Somehow it completely went past me that Monday was 4/20. And now it's Wednesday. Fuck! Well, next year, I suppose.

Essay's come along a bit. Almost at the required amount of pages. Once I get to that point, I don't know if I'll have the energy or the motivation to revise and edit. Fuuuuck, man. I don't want to be severely ridiculed by a crazy power-trippin hippie! C'est la vie, je pense. Je vais trouver mes yeux, monsieur!

I am le tired.

Where is that nice pretty girl with the flowers now?

Chill Out, Man, Like, Just Chill.

Mother of GOOODDDD. I absolutely hate stressing about school. Unfortunately, I've got an extremely tempermental teacher to please with a bangin' essay that I haven't even finished researching. It'll be shit. Citations, fuck the lot of them! Citing actual page numbers is the fucking worst! It's like I'm supposed to prove I actually read my sources or something. Honestly, as long as I'm not plagiarizing and the teacher knows what sources I used, what does it matter which sentence of which paragraph of which page of which chapter of which book by which author published by which company in what city in what year in the history of the goddamn universe I am getting it from?? It only gives me more cause to stress the fuck out. When I have to write an essay that's actually good, I usually fail. And an annotated bibliography! This man is mad, and determined to drive ME to madness! It's like he expects me to work hard for a degree, or something.

This is giving me a brain-bleedy bit in the cortex that is cerebral and located in the northern hemiphere of my body. Fuck. And they wonder why us young'uns are driven to drugs.

"Oh darling...please believe me, I'll never make it alone.."

This person I served today irritated me so much that I forgot to make sure she left before I started bitching about her to one of my coworkers. Unfortunately, she was still there. She was sitting far enough away that she possibly might not have heard me, though I was speaking just loudly enough. Plus when I glanced at her a few times after realizing my mistake, I'm pretty sure she was glaring at me. Ai me. Thank god she left shortly after finishing her food, though I wished she would've left sooner. I'm not sorry for getting irritated, but I felt pretty bad that she probably heard what I said.

My floor is currently strewn with books on feminism. I decided to focus on aspects of feminism beyond the white middle-class bra-burning Amazons. I also have to finish my notans for art class.

I have to wonder if I'll ever catch up on sleep. Signs seem to be saying no.

Writing a Paper is HARD wtf

WHAT THE CHRIST.

I'm trying to do research on American feminism and various feminist theories, but I can't even get through the first paragraph of the Wikipedia article.

Here's the basics:
-Feminists in general are not just white, hairy, bra-burning Amazons who eat men for breakfast.
-Feminism = supporting equality. As in, everyone included. Feminists who focus only on raising women above men are on their own path that basically means to put men in women's traditional role, rather than raise women to men's status. (Does that make sense?)
-It's not only white middle-class women who are feminists. It's just that women of other races and social classes have their own type of feminism that includes racial and social equality more prominantly.
-Roughly three waves of feminism: The suffragettes; the radicalists(?); the moderns ('90s to now) Each wave came out of different events going on (Civil War [racial equality], Vietnam War [civil rights movement, etc.], something else)
-Women spend so much time in the ranks of other movements toward equality that they started to wonder when their turn would come.
-Radical feminists have been mocked repeatedly for their neverending attempts to gain equality, attempts which have often been viewed as crazy (inability of men to understand?) or too out there. These are the ones who give feminism a bad name and make even modern women protest loudly at the accusation of being a feminist. (Note to self: Find out what those crazy bitches did)

I need like eight to ten pages of this stuff, except padded with facts and you know, all that legit stuff. Like citations. My roommate actually does have a fuckton of these books though. Awesome. I feel like I have a little more guidance now. I guess the thing about a research paper is figuring out what one needs to find out. I need to find accounts of feminists who did crazy shit that was actually fucking righteous and see if I can figure out why everyone thinks it was just crazy shit.

Oh my god I'm going to die. D:

Summary of Thoughts in the Last Three Minutes

This crazy woman came in today. I can never understand what she says, and I don't think she can either. She was looking over the counter trying to ask me and my coworker what we were making and completely misunderstanding.

Spring break is this week. What the fuck am I supposed to do with two days of neither work nor school? I guess I could do homework. Or dick around on the Internet. Or sleep. Or eat. Totally procrastinate, like everyone else. Who wants to do research for a paper on a day off? Luckily one of my roommates has a bunch of books relating to the subject I'm doing, so I probably won't have to go to the library. Hopefully.

We were coming home on the bus tonight and these guys all got on together. Holy god, they must have bathed repeatedly in some ritual convoluted cleansing to reek that much of cologne. Perfume is one thing, in moderate doses, but cologne is very easily taken advantage of. I don't know why, either. I always prefer my men to smell like men, not poncey assholes. I admit, there are men who can pull off a bit of manufactured scent, but the rest who attempt it fail.

So why can't Chuck Palahniuk write anything as good as Fight Club? I've read all his other fiction (except Survivor, for some reason) and it always falls short, like he's using the exact same formula, but really reaching when it comes to subject matter. Haunted came close, but none really made my little wheels turn. Many would disagree with me on this issue, but c'moooon. Fight Club just has that something that hits you and makes you see things and feel things and taste the blood from the hole in your cheek.

Better Than Livejournal

When I was younger, I though LJ was the shit. I had friends online who were my actual friends in real life who would read my whiny bullshit and comment occasionally. People I didn't see everyday kept in touch like that. It was pretty cool for a while, but eventually I just deleted it, because I realized I wasn't going anywhere with it and only using it as an excuse to revel in my self-pity.

Now I've got a blog. That's got to be better.

Well, I work at this cafe. It's pretty awesome, except when you get dumb people who ask which is small, medium, and large when the cup sizes are right in front of them. Still, I can live with those type of folk as long as the cool type come in too. I never thought I'd enjoy making food for people, even if sometimes I fuck up and they write a nasty review on yelp.com. Yeah, free speech and all that, but these people just don't know the whole story! They come in once, get crappy service and swear never to come back, and tell other people never to come in at all. There aren't a lot of those, but damn, they're harsh. Seriously. Someone once wrote a really long-ass review bitching about how slow and stupid I was, how much the food sucked, etc, etc. My bad, people. People like that make me especially grateful for the nice ones who come in. There's this one guy (actually there's several) who's always really cheerful and tips us a lot. He's like an uncle, a really benevolent one.

School sucks a lot for me right now. I'd rather be making money. But I know people who would kick ten kinds of shit out of me if I up and quit. Plus there's that vague hope that it will benefit me somehow in like twenty years. Because I can actually wait that long. But, jesus christ, teachers are some of the greatest windbags ever born! One of my teachers in particular never stops talking from the time he comes in (late) until the time he is forced to let us go. Even when we're actually supposed to have a class discussion, you know, in which the class dicusses the subject matter, he'll still take the whole thing and run away with it! Holy moly, I thought I was supposed to be expanding my brain and developing my thought processes and shit. What else am I paying for? Oh yeah, a fuckton of books that seem to cost more than tuition itself.

Naturally this sort of thing gives me ample cause to ponder my future. Where am I going? How will my past be instrumental to me later? Am I going to have a houseful of kids? Am I going to become a cultural icon? Which will it be, photography, writing, painting, drawing, or design? Or will it be something else entirely? Will I work in a cafe-type setting for the rest of my life and do freelance work on the side? Is this all there is, and, if so, do I really appreciate it? Probably not, but I guess complete appreciation of one's circumstances comes later, if it ever comes at all.

Things to buy:
-Soap
-Apples
-Rug
-Detergent
-Shoes
-Toothpaste

Not necessarily in that order.