A Formal List Of Complaints

Or, A Few Of My Pet Peeves:

1. People who wear sunglasses indoors. Particularly men. In general, it's kind've rude; to me, it's roughly equivalent to strenuously avoiding eye contact, or talking on your cell phone while I'm trying to take your order. This is something that really only bothers me at work, especially when creepy men stare at my tits behind their tinted shades.

2. Those annoying white college women who are so incredibly bubbly that they talk as if they were so far beyond stupid that they are actually retarded.

3. Children. Specifically, parents. No, your child is not cute or endearing to me. Your child needs a swift kick in the butt and you need to learn how to administer it.

4. Dog owners. Get over yourself! Your dog's a total asshole and so are you! Hey, your big, scary dog is barking really loudly and running toward me; please do not laugh and make it seem like he's just being a big sweetie, because he's not, he's actually scaring the shit out of me.

5. Evasive dudes who, for some reason completely unbeknownst to me, cannot simply up and tell you what's going on. For everybody who thinks men can't take hints, believe me, women can't either. Give it to me straight up, like whiskey and gin, motherfucker.

6. People who don't understand my aversion to beer. It tastes like piss! Worse than piss! Why do I need more justification??

7. TV!! Who gives a shit about these people? Most of the shows I see nowadays are either about people who are famous for no reason, or people who are completely unremarkable trying to make themselves famous through reality tv. What the FUCK. Nobody CARES about you, nobody gives a shit which bachelor you pick, they're all fucking idiots. Who are these people trying to be that they require an audience?

And if you're starting to wonder, yes, it's the moon cycle. I am full of anger and hatred and unreasonable rage.