Hey, hot guys, grab a clue:


It's getting old. That whole thing where you're already in a relationship but you're really hot is just not attractive.


Dear Deviantart

You fucking suck. Now go die.

1. You do not allow anyone to delete his/her account like every other website.

2. The next best thing you offer is for me to go through and delete every deviation and journal entry I've submitted, delete all my profile info, and go through and unfavorite every piece of work I've favorited (which, by itself, adds up to about 45 pages).

3. However, when going through my deviations, about half the time a little window would pop up (that I've never gotten on any other site) informing me that the page could not be loaded. I'd have to refresh the page as many as five times before I'd be to delete that particular deviation.

4. Now, when I'm trying to unfavorite 45 pages' worth of favorites, I keep running into issues, such as deviantArt going into read-only mode, or an "Oops! Try again!" which prevent me from completely destroying my presence on your site.

5. Deviantart, I am starting to suspect you are intentionally making things difficult for me.

6. This really only makes me hate you more, and makes me wish I was skilled at hacking so I could destroy you. Or at least allow people to fucking leave.


Yours Is A Funeral I'd Fly To From Anywhere

We saw Why? last night, people!

While waiting in line outside, we were assailed by a hooker. She was all up in our grills. Got all close to me and licked my neck. Got all close to Rob and raped his hip. She kept insisting I said I'd share him. We tried to fend her off by insisting we were totally monogamous honeys (she asked), but when we put our arms around each other we looked more like total bros. I don't think she was fooled. Somehow, after like five whole minutes, she moved on down the line. Apparently she's a neighbor of Rob's.

By god though, there were three opening bands. THREE! What the hell was going on backstage that three bands had to go on before the one I actually paid to see?? The first one sucked ridiculous crazy nuts until these dumb hipster bitches leapt onstage and started flailing around and shaking their tits. They got taken aside afterward. Second band was alright, with crazy colored lights and their dreamy sounds. Last band was so slow and drony for the most part I almost passed out on my feet. Which would have meant falling sideways onto Rob. We did fall sideways on each other a couple times, crying out "WHYYYYYYYY?" When our beloved band came onstage we totally jizzed ourselves, but not nearly as hard as the girl in front of us whose boyfriend had to support her till she regained her feet. HE was directly in front of me for the whole show and was so drunk that he got downright retarded to the music. A nice big lump of flailing retard.

IT WAS SO AWESOME. Yeah, you needed caps to get that. Why? played almost every one of my favorite songs (unfortunately with the audience's help), which was most of Alopecia. Yoni, the lead singer/jizztastic, had the funniest dances he did across the stage that I will totally not describe because I'd have to show you. Just youtube it. He looked like Woody Allen, except more Jewish, and with a mustache/soulpatch combo. His brother Josiah was on drums and had a huge Jewfro. AWE-SOMMMME. The other guys I couldn't see as well.

We were right near the stage and with every song the crowd got closer and closer, until I felt like I was being humped on nearly all sides. Why? is kinda white hip hop, so several of the skanky chicks near me were already bumping up and down like it was the heaviest rap music ever. The guy in front of me was humping his girlfriend in time to the music, and since we were all pressed against each other she and I formed a sandwich out of him. Really, I was just trying to move out of the way of this other chick's purse. It was sitting right at the small of her back, so it kept trying to rape my pelvic area as she moved her ass all up in my bubble. Plus some guys behind me were taking hits off a pipe (they totally got busted, but they weren't forced to leave).

Man, Why? was just so freaking cool. Would that I could just have them perform for me and maybe a couple other people.


Define Blackface


Aside from being a completely biased article, the issue the writer raises is questionable. To sum it up, French Voque recently put out their October issue which was dedicated to supermodels. In a strange twist of irony, photographer Steven Klein shot but one model, Lara Stone, in a variety of looks and styles. Including make-up that some call blackface. Now, I looked up blackface just to refresh myself, because I honestly could not see why the author of the article kept using this particular phrase. Blackface, to refresh the rest of you, was created to make a mockery of black people. White actors would put on dark face paint and act out racist stereotypes. It became pretty popular and tickled white people considerably, so blackface became used in advertisement as well (Confess it: you've put Aunt Jemima on your waffles at some point, haven't you?).

So, I was trying to understand why the author kept screaming "Blackface blackface blackface!" It'd be one thing if the photographer used several white models and had them all in dark make-up in every shot. However, he only used one girl, and it seems to me that he simply wanted to see how many different looks he could give her. If you go to his website here: http://www.stevenkleinstudio.com/www/index.html you can see every picture of Lara Stone from the October issue. She's certainly not painted dark in every shot. If anything, she goes from dark to white. And there's nothing about any of the photos that seems to suggest negative stereotypes. Or any stereotypes. Fuck, I don't know why he did this shoot, but I really don't see what-all is so offensive about it. And the writer of the aforementioned article doesn't do a very good job of explaining. She's too caught up in being the Great White Hope. "Yeah! I'm a white woman who knows how to scream racism! I can call it, you racist masochistic bastards!"

Someone please, give me your take on this. I'm not sure if I'm making myself clear or if anyone else thinks this woman is a fucking idiot. I mean come on, if you keep looking for ways to be offended, you're bound to become some wound-up dickwad convinced that the entire world is trying to offend you.


Bathroom Drama

My god, some woman actually yelled at me today in the bathrooms at school. And why? Apparently the length of paper towel that went nearly all the way down to the floor was hers. Why, she had gotten it all nice and ready before she even washed her hands, and nasty ole me had to be such an asshole and swipe it first, not even giving her a chance to finish washing. It's kinda funny, really, because I looked at the length of it for about a nanosecond before deciding I was too lazy to rip it in the middle. I was already walking out the door when she starts shouting, like, "HEY! You didn't think maybe that was MINE?!" Well no, clearly I did not, otherwise I would have ripped it in half, or waited while you finished washing your hands and took it so I could dispense some for myself. I mean, I know I get angry about dumb shit a lot, but I usually try a little harder to keep it to myself, lest I come off as a bad-tempered, maggot-sucking cunt.

And then I went to class. And it sucked, verily. Wasted time all day long, again and again every semester.


I'm Serious This Time

Espresso and steamed milk.

Espresso and hot water.

Espresso and steamed milk foam.

ONE shot of espresso with a dollop of foam.

Espresso, steamed milk, and chocolate.

Some dumb-ass beverage concocted by Starbucks. Really. It was never meant to exist until some obese American decided that there wasn't a high enough fat/sugar content in any of the aforementioned drinks.

Please, get it straight America. The Europeans are already laughing at us.

Dear Ridiculously Beautiful People

Please stop making it so easy to stalk you. On the internet. It's very easy to change all your privacy settings to "friends only." That setting not only protects your photos and information from creepy old people, but from creepy young drooly folks, too. And, y'know, it saves us all the anguish of gazing upon your beauteously jizztastic visages that we know will never be ours.

And please, please, stop being so distractingly attractive. So jeans-creamingly stunning. So eye-blindingly delectable.

And, oh please, and please please please, be nice to us common folk.

P.S. Can I take pictures of you? Can I paint you? Naked? I could be famous someday because I caught your bright and shining nubile nudity on film and canvas. O Muse dear mine?


Am I An Example Of A Calculated Birth?

I just stocked up on a bunch of food from the store. Canned, frozen, healthy. Whatever. It sucks to fork over all that money at once, but when I consider how take-out adds up, it makes me feel somewhat better, even though the take-out around here tastes really good because most of it's made fresh.

It's nice to shop alone for some reason, though I can't say why.

Got a neeeew lens! It's a cheapie 50mm, but I've already taken a bunch of shots (of Nats dyeing her hair) and some of them look pretty alright. Definitely better than the zoom lens that came with the camera. Smaller, too. I'm waiting for a tripod so I can take ever more photos of myself and let the world know how awesome I think I am.

I was using the belt sander in class last week without my dust mask (forgot to bring it) and ever since I've been blowing bits of blood into the tissue and feeling gritty all up in my nasal passages. Also, wood is hot when you've been sanding it like that for a minute. It all hurts. Somehow I scraped my arm without noticing.

It's fall, and things are starting to happen again. Everything slows down during the summer while everyone wonders what to do and waits for school and winter again.