An Open Letter

...to the man who called me a bitch.

I really don't understand your animosity, sir. You come in to my place of work with a large group of adults and a pack of loud, unruly children, all demanding ice cream. I serve you as patiently as I can while you try not to lose your temper at the indecisive ones.

In general, it is an unwritten law that parents are responsible for their children in public places, such as retail stores, doctors' offices, cafes, restaurants, etc. It is also an unwritten law that parents must teach their children not to take things that don't belong to them without permission, that is, steal.

We like to give out little paper umbrellas sometimes to kids, or on a sandwich if we're feeling whimsical. We keep these little paper umbrellas behind a glass where we keep other little things, such as salt and pepper, a bottle of tapatio sauce, or wooden stakes for sandwiches. What usually happens, sir, and this is what I was trying to tell you, is that a child will notice said umbrellas and will ask for one. Or, if the child is too shy, a parent will ask. This is because most parents try to teach their children to have manners. It is possible, sir, believe, I have seen it done with my own eyes, heard their little pleases and thank yous with my own ears.

Frankly, I was rather surprised that you didn't understand the problem when I was protesting against the three or four little boys you were responsible for reaching their dirty hands over the glass and all over every umbrella, trying to grab the right colors. This surprise may have translated badly when I said, "It's just that most people usually ask." The words themselves could easily seem snotty, but my tone was meant to be as neutral as possible, all factors taken into account. And really, your excuse, "They're only five, what do you expect?" was rather weak. By the time a child is five, he should be aware that stealing is not right. Your excuse surprised me even more; surely you were sensible of what was going on? Apparently not. I don't quite understand what's so difficult about the situation I have recounted above. I would assume parents try to teach their children to have respect for other people's property.

I would also assume a good father wouldn't want to raise his sons to think of women as bitches.

Sir, I must say, you are the type of man who makes my reproductive organs shrivel into hard little pits. You do not represent fathers very well, and you especially fail at being a real man. It's a rather hackneyed phrase but really, men like you do make me lose faith in the human race. If you were having a bad day, I don't understand how belittling a young woman like me would make it any better. Does your wife actually like you? Do your children? Are you trying to raise your own special race of assholes? You're doing a fine job, if that be the case.

To close off, if you ever come in to my place of work again while I'm there, I will be sure to give you a demonstration of what a bitch really is. You will need your testicles.

Sincerely,
the Bitch