Barbie's Feet Are Kinda Freaky, Anyway

Something that bugs me often is the sheer amount of obviously insecure people. By which I mean people who are quick to make sure everyone around is made extremely uncomfortable by the depths of their insecurity. You know the type. Women who, when you make them a nice meal, can't help joking about how fattening it is and how much they'll have to work out to make up for it the next day. There's little doubt that, underneath the smile, they're dead serious. Or the men who are prone to complaining bitterly about their own weight or their inability to get a girlfriend. Mostly I've known women who, while seeming to merely acknowledge their flaws, are actually pointing them out, putting up road signs and flashing lights where no one else notices anything. It's been said that if you keep saying "I'm fat I'm fat I'm fat," eventually others will also believe you're fat.

One other thing. Women who wear heels improperly. Very few can pull them off the way they're meant to be done. Many of those few can do it because they've been wearing heels so long they can no longer wear flats. The rest of us, however, are aware heels are hot and make most anyone's legs look shapely and glamorous, but we fail at pulling it off. It makes me cringe inside when I see some woman attempting to stride elegantly down the street and failing even to unbend her knees all the way. You know the walk: pinched toes, the balls of your feet swollen, arches splintering, resulting in a feeble crab walk that is reminiscent of a white person using chopsticks for the very first time. It's the walk of an eighty year-old woman who's had too many children and suffers from the worst sort of arthritis.

The thing is, if you can't do it, don't do it. You can do so much better than those six inch heels. Your pain is not sexy. Accept this, and you just might be able to run away from those potential muggers and rapists.