Yours Is A Funeral I'd Fly To From Anywhere

We saw Why? last night, people!

While waiting in line outside, we were assailed by a hooker. She was all up in our grills. Got all close to me and licked my neck. Got all close to Rob and raped his hip. She kept insisting I said I'd share him. We tried to fend her off by insisting we were totally monogamous honeys (she asked), but when we put our arms around each other we looked more like total bros. I don't think she was fooled. Somehow, after like five whole minutes, she moved on down the line. Apparently she's a neighbor of Rob's.

By god though, there were three opening bands. THREE! What the hell was going on backstage that three bands had to go on before the one I actually paid to see?? The first one sucked ridiculous crazy nuts until these dumb hipster bitches leapt onstage and started flailing around and shaking their tits. They got taken aside afterward. Second band was alright, with crazy colored lights and their dreamy sounds. Last band was so slow and drony for the most part I almost passed out on my feet. Which would have meant falling sideways onto Rob. We did fall sideways on each other a couple times, crying out "WHYYYYYYYY?" When our beloved band came onstage we totally jizzed ourselves, but not nearly as hard as the girl in front of us whose boyfriend had to support her till she regained her feet. HE was directly in front of me for the whole show and was so drunk that he got downright retarded to the music. A nice big lump of flailing retard.

IT WAS SO AWESOME. Yeah, you needed caps to get that. Why? played almost every one of my favorite songs (unfortunately with the audience's help), which was most of Alopecia. Yoni, the lead singer/jizztastic, had the funniest dances he did across the stage that I will totally not describe because I'd have to show you. Just youtube it. He looked like Woody Allen, except more Jewish, and with a mustache/soulpatch combo. His brother Josiah was on drums and had a huge Jewfro. AWE-SOMMMME. The other guys I couldn't see as well.

We were right near the stage and with every song the crowd got closer and closer, until I felt like I was being humped on nearly all sides. Why? is kinda white hip hop, so several of the skanky chicks near me were already bumping up and down like it was the heaviest rap music ever. The guy in front of me was humping his girlfriend in time to the music, and since we were all pressed against each other she and I formed a sandwich out of him. Really, I was just trying to move out of the way of this other chick's purse. It was sitting right at the small of her back, so it kept trying to rape my pelvic area as she moved her ass all up in my bubble. Plus some guys behind me were taking hits off a pipe (they totally got busted, but they weren't forced to leave).

Man, Why? was just so freaking cool. Would that I could just have them perform for me and maybe a couple other people.